Balancing Act

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I received a text from Hilary today at the perinatal hospice network. I’m going to start calling this network “The Corner” for convenience. (You can read more about that here and here.) She asked me if I thought I would be comfortable taking on-call nights at the end of March. She’s making the schedule now and needed to know if I would be available. She did, however, say that she wanted me to go on a shadow visit with a smaller baby so that I’m prepared for that scenario when it arises. I agreed that I would like to do at least one more shadow with her and that I should be able to go on visits on my own by the end of next month. Scary. Thought.

I need more information from her on what to say to the families who have had the demise. I so don’t feel like I’m going to be ready for this until I’m actually in this situation. You can only prepare yourself so much… and after that, you just have to have faith that you can get through it. Hilary said the hardest “type” of baby would be the smaller one. She said that sometimes they can look a bit… gruesome. It will also be the most difficult because it hits the closest to home. Only time will tell if I’m able to handle it. I’m enclosing a picture of the blankets that I gave to Hilary when we met at the hospital for Baby Grant. They are small knitted and crocheted blankets, about 18 inches square. These are for the little ones… Babies between 12-18 weeks.

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I’m currently crocheting a bigger blanket for the bigger babies, but those take a bit longer. I want to help them in so many ways I think it’s starting to consume my life. They are having an event on March 7th that I’m hoping to attend. It’s a silent auction dinner and they have some pretty impressive stuff to auction off. Hilary asked me if I would also help put together baskets for the auction as well… Just taking the things that have already been donated and putting them into baskets and making them look presentable and appealing. I’m hoping to attend the event, but it will depend on whether or not I’m back to work yet. I’m so grateful that I’m able to help others… trying to figure out how to balance it all is going to be the struggle, but it’s the least I can do to help these little guys and their families.

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