Yeah. Shocked? That makes more than two of us.
So if you’ll recall in a few posts ago (here), I took two tests. One had a very, very, very faint line (Friday). You wouldn’t have even known there was a line there unless you really looked. Took another test two days later… And it was negative (on Sunday)–Not even close to having an imaginary line. So I stopped my progesterone on Sunday. I thought I’d get my period by Wednesday. On Sunday and Monday I had very a very small amount of brown discharge. Very minimal. Very. This threw up a red flag, but I figured it was from the Progesterone (that is one of the listed side effects) or that my period was starting. Wednesday came and went. Nothing. Yesterday my husband asked if my period had started and I said no… He said, well, if it doesn’t start by tomorrow, take another test. Around 8:30 last night, I told him I wanted to take another test. Waiting 12 more hours to take a test wouldn’t have affected the outcome. And it was positive… Clear as day. (I will eventually post a picture, but right now it’s the only thing I have of my baby… and I kinda want to keep it just for me, for now. And besides, we all know what pregnancy tests look like. But this one, is mine.)
And the freaking out started. I started crying. I wanted it to be positive so badly, but then the realization that I could potentially miscarry for a fourth time overcame me. What happens now? Where do we go from here? Oh. My. God. I wanted to tell everyone and no one at the same time. I couldn’t stop crying and my husband was perfect. He called me down. We laughed and cried over and over again. We are going to celebrate this baby. Our baby. We are excited about it. And we are going to continue to be excited about it until it’s born. We are not going to focus on the negatives. We are not going to say “if” the baby is born, we are going to say “when.” We are going to love this baby.
My regret with Baby #3 was that I felt so disconnected. I already had that baby dead in my mind… I wasn’t going to get excited about it, and I didn’t. I want to cherish every day that I have with this baby, because we never know when…
And I won’t finish that sentence.
I immediately started the progesterone again. I already have my first dose of heparin in me (one shot twice daily). I’ve been on folic and prenatals for a while now. I’m waiting on my doctor to call me back to find out when she wants blood levels checked and how often… There’s nothing more I can do, except wait. Wait and love this baby.
And… I’m planning on posting often, just so I can remember these days and these special moments.
I want to take my husband out tomorrow and go look at baby stuff–just one store. I want to buy one outfit and have it here. I want to do all the normal things normal newly pregnant parents do. I’m going to start knitting a blanket for our baby and I’m going to start thinking about names.
It will be our turkey baby… I
will be due am due on November 23rd. I am elated and terrified.
If you’re a prayer, please pray for us.