Prayin’ kind.

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I know earlier I had a very positive attitude, but I am really scared. It’s so hard to go down this road again.

I’m so very grateful that we have been given another chance at being parents. But I am so scared.

Eleven years ago, this was the exact path I was on. My period date, ovulation date and due date were all almost exactly the same… off only by two days.

2003: Period: February 18th & Due: November 25th

2014: Period: February 16th & Due: November 23rd

When we first started trying this time, I didn’t realize how close the dates were. After I ovulated I was looking at the calendar thinking, “What if this is how it was supposed to be… just eleven years later?” It’s pretty scary that the timing is almost identical.

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Shit just got real. Second shot of heparin went well. The injection sights are sore and slightly bruising… Please don’t take this as complaining… I would get a shot of every second of the day if I thought it would help me keep this baby… Just trying to remember these moments.

We told my parents tonight. Everyone is excited… There’s talk about the baby, Thanksgiving and Christmas. It’s almost like the past has been forgotten. The nightmare of what is the past is not affecting the hope that we have for the future.

And as easy as it is to type those words, I still remember. I’m constantly going to the bathroom to “check” and make sure that I’m not bleeding. I’m holding on to hope at this point. I’m so thankful and grateful that we made it through the day with no blood. Every single day I’m given with my baby, I will cherish. I pray time goes quickly and slowly in the same breath… Quickly, so I can see my baby. Slowly, so I can appreciate every shot, every suppository and pill… every second.

I’m not always the prayin’ kind… but God and I are about to get really close.

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