April Fools

Eleven years ago I called my mom while on my way to school (college) and told her she was going to be a grandma. She remembered it was April Fools Day; I didn’t. Whoops. Bad timing on my part. Spoiler alert, she still isn’t a grandma.

So today, eleven years later I find myself pregnant again, torturing myself.

Here’s a Baby Poult update:

March 24th: HcG was 430, Progesterone 16.61

March 26th: HcG was 1,066, Progesterone 16.16 (it went down?! After googling this, apparently this does fluctuate)

March 31st: HcG was 3,795, Progesterone 20

Last period was on February 16th, so, like I posted before, unless I ovulated on day 22 (which, to my knowledge has never happened), it doesn’t make sense. Depending on which chart you look at, my levels are still low. I wish they were higher, but I’ll take what I can get at this point. Next blood draw is tomorrow night–I’m finally going back to work. I work 7-6 with an hour drive both ways, so it makes for a very long day.

I was just thinking how funny ironic it is that some of us have bad eggs/ovaries and can’t ovulate properly but have a fully functioning uterus. My eggs/ovaries are seemingly fine, but my uterus is a “hostile environment.” I have no problem getting pregnant, it’s the staying pregnant thing that I have issues with. It’s too bad we can’t work out some kind of deal. I guess they do do that don’t they. Blah. Gibberish.

Symptom update:

I’m still saying prayers before and after going to the bathroom. Before I go to the bathroom it’s, “Please let there be no blood, no blood, no blood” (think “no whammies, no whammies, no whammies, GO!”) After going to the bathroom and wiping, “Thank God, there was no blood, thank you, thank you, thank you.” Sad, I know.

Heparin: I didn’t take my Heparin shot last night or this morning until I found out my numbers today. I didn’t take it last night because I swear I can feel my cervix opening. Seriously, no joke. I was leaking a clear fluid, like water, and I was sure that I was miscarrying… And this did happen during the last miscarriage. We were on our way back from visiting my husband’s family and I could literally feel my cervix opening up. I was leaking clear liquid then as well (we assumed amniotic fluid?) and a day later, I started bleeding. So last night we were freaking out, crying and scared. I guess I’m ok because the levels increased and I’ve still had no blood. Thank God for that.

My vagina is on fire. Serious burning going on down there. I called the doctor and asked about it and the nurse said that it could be from all the progesterone. As long as it’s tolerable, I shouldn’t worry. I guess if I get the urge to stick a fire extinguisher up my who-ha, then I know enough is enough?

I don’t mean to complain, I really don’t. Some days I don’t know how I make it through the day. This being pregnant thing is making me crazy. Every move I make I think I’m going to start hemorrhaging. I wish, for just one minute–one second, I could take a deep breath and just relax.

I shouldn’t complain. I am so happy to be pregnant. I’m truly grateful for the ability to try this one more time.

But damn, this is not easy.


Published by Brandi

I'm interested in self-help, chakras, essential oils (DoTerra) and just trying to help people in anyway I can. This was initially a weight loss blog and turned into an adventure about my infertility, miscarriages and my rainbow baby. We took quite the detour, but now is the time to focus on my health. I love talking about shame and trauma and I'd love to help you work on your best self. Please email me with questions or DM on IG. IG: Youhaveaprettyface_ Twinbody: Youhaveaprettyface

3 thoughts on “April Fools

  1. We too have lost too many babies to miscarriage (we have lost 4 babies)

    We are lucky in that we can get pregnant very eaily, we have also tested perfectly health in every way which means the medical professionals have no idea why we have lost 4 babies. So, I share this with you as a way to say, I understand trying again and all fears that go along with actually being pregnant. Any single moment of sanity without the paranoia and fears is blissful. Enjoy them when you get them!

    I love your quote “Damn this is not easy”! It is just so true!

    Wishing you all the best!!!

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