Things that have happened since losing the baby:
-No more sore boobs
-No more sore stomach from Heparin
-No more progesterone=dry sore vagina
-No more shiny curly hair
-No more long, strong nails
-The urge to drink, smoke and eat sushi until I’m sick. (Self medicate)
-The overwhelming urge to cry at any given moment.
-Panic attacks. Feeling like I’m having a heart attack every five minutes. (Hypochondria)
-Being asked at least six times, “So, is your husband going to leave you since you can’t have a baby?”
-The inability to relax. The thought of trying to relax stresses me out.
-The inability to believe that I just went through this. Again.
-Overwhelming sadness. It’s untouchable.
-Wanting to make lists for everything. (OCD)
-No more talk of the future baby. Everything has been put away. It’s like it never happened.
The next step:
We’re seeing a specialist in Chicago in June. It’s a last ditch effort. We’re going to have the septum resection surgery one more time. Now when/if I get pregnant again, I will be over 35 when I deliver. We have decided to try one more time and then we’re done. Physically and mentally, I can’t handle another miscarriage. I’ve got one last hooray in me, and that’s it.