How to have the longest miscarriage in the history of miscarriages.

Standard

Here’s a rundown of how you accomplish this feat, should you so choose.

April 8th: Heartbeat

April 17th: No heartbeat, “You will miscarry…”

April 26th: Very mild spotting, dark brown.

April 27th: Start hemorrhaging, go to ER, pass tons of clots and “products of conception”–ultrasound shows only a few blood clots, “you’re fine to pass those on your own at home.”

April 27th-May 9th: Bleeding. Lots at first, then on and off alternating between bright red and brown. New and old.

May 4th: Hcg still at 440. Dr., “We need to do another ultrasound to confirm there are ‘no products of conception.'”

May 7th: Ultrasound. Nurse says nothing. I think everything looks good. (I’m such an expert).

May 8th: Nurse, “The doctor says there’s still something on the upper right side of your uterus and your lining is still thick. It could be products of conception or it’s your septum. She’s not sure. We’re going to still monitor your Hcg and follow it all the way down. If you start bleeding more than a pad an hour or passing clots, go to the ER.” FYI, the baby was on the upper right side of my uterus.

May 8th (after recovering from what the nurse just told me): Me, frantically trying to call the doctor back to find out, 1. How big this “product” is 2. If she feels it should wait or if we can do a D&C now (why wait until I’m hemorrhaging again?) 3. If I can have sex (great stress reliever) 4. If they ever got the results back from the “product” in the hospital.

May 8th (after my patience has completely gone): No phone call back. No answers. Waiting for something to happen or to not happen.

May 9th: More panic attacks. Doctor is conveniently not in the office on Friday’s.

May 10th (I’m fucking psychic now): Struggle through the day wondering when/if something is going to fly out of my uterus, Alien style.

May 11th: Drink. A lot. Don’t buy a gun.

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