Monthly Archives: June 2014

Daily dose of Rainbow

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In the bottom picture there’s a full rainbow directly over my house. The minute I got home, it disappeared.

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Rainbow Colored Glasses

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It’s been a while since I’ve written anything. The last miscarriage kinda took it out of me.

Since the last miscarriage I see rainbows everywhere. On walls and in the sky. I see one and know that it’s there just for me. The one that prompted the title of this post, “Rainbow Colored Glasses,” came on our two year wedding anniversary. We were heading home from our date and through my sunglasses I could see a beautiful rainbow in the clouds. I took my sunglasses off to get a better view, and I couldn’t see the rainbow without my sunglasses on. I kept putting them on and taking them off, and realized that I could only see them through the glasses… And they’re not special glasses 🙂 All the other rainbows I see without the sunglasses–I don’t want to make it sound like this is a magical thing. I try to always get photos of the rainbows and eventually I plan on posting a blog with the photos. On particularly rough days, I know that I’ll be seeing a rainbow… and I always do.

I’m reading all of your blogs… Thinking of you and praying for you. Every day is a “struggle.” I’m on a new anxiety medicine and I’m trying to keep my feelings and emotions in check. My hypochondria is constantly being tested.

After much discussion, we’re going to do the uterine septum surgery one more time, which will be the beginning of August. I was skeptical about going through that again, but in the end, I want to be able to say that I did everything I possibly could. If the surgery is set for the beginning of August, we won’t be able to start trying again until November or December. So, one more surgery, one more pregnancy, one more time. Then we’ll probably look into adoption or other alternatives if that doesn’t work.

Soo…. that’s it for now. Hopefully I’ll start posting a little more regularly again. We’ll see. Until then, take care!

A Letter to The Grieving Mommy

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A Letter to The Grieving Mommy

Wonderful. Thank you for writing

Granola Glam

No one is ever prepared to hear their doctor or midwife say, “I’m sorry, there is no heartbeat.”. No one. Even when you expect to hear that statement, when you think you’re prepared to hear that statement, it hits you like a ton of bricks. Your stomach falls like when you’re riding a roller coaster and your heart skips a beat. Having been on the receiving end of these words and the not so sympathetic look of a doctor, my heart hurts every time I hear of someone, anyone, who’s lost their baby. You can read Andrew’s story here. There have been many blogs written to the friends and family of grieving mothers…I want to address the mommies themselves. If I could sit down with each and every one of you, this is what I’d say…

Sweet mama,

This sucks. Plain and simple, hard-core sucks.

I’m sorry. I’m sorry…

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WTF are you doing?

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WTF are you doing?

Love this… It’s so important to remember, thick or thin, the problem is within. Thanks for reminding me why I started this blog.

Damn girl, that's a lot of fattitude

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A few people have asked me wtf I’m doing recently pertaining to my “diet.” With multiple people asking me, I stopped to actually think about it. You can overlook one or two people asking, but multiple people makes me stop and think…What the fuck am I doing? I’ve gone back to the “dieting” mentality due to the frustration of my weight regain. I’ve removed items, removed food groups, gone gung-ho and found reasons why “this is the diet.” I have a garden full of produce I planted that I wasn’t going to eat because it’s not “on plan.” A tree full of ripe plums, tomatoes turning red, and blueberries ripening in the sun. I’m losing weight on a keto diet, but in all honestly – it won’t fix my legit food issues. I keep finding myself reading my post on Forgivness over and over again. I need to take my…

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What to Expect When One is no Longer Expecting

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A truth

Strength for the Journey

I have a sensitive spot in my heart for couples dealing with the loss –any loss really — of a baby. It’s just the way I have been wired. And it’s also one of the many ways I can relate because my husband and I have dealt with the same loss.

After nine weeks of pregnancy, all my hopes and dreams for a beautiful, healthy boy and/or girl vanished. The embryo was growing in the wrong place. Instead of implanting itself to the wall of my uterus, the fertilized egg stalled in my fallopian tube and began to develop rapidly. It was the most painful experience ever, physically and emotionally. After my laparascopic procedure, in which they removed the pregnancy and ruptured tube (the left one to be exact), the nurse said to me, “There was a heartbeat. The procedure went well.”

A heartbeat is an indication of life. A pregnancy is a blessing…

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