Updates on here have been nonexistent. My mind randomly goes to, “I should write a blog…” at least once a day and clearly that never happens.
So much has happened since last September. I started seeing a therapist in September and that should come with it’s own warning label. I’m not a fan of talking about myself (which is in part why I don’t like to blog, but here we are) and she is definitely… a free spirit.
I had a hysterectomy in December and that was one of the *best* decisions I could have ever made. I started seeing the therapist prior to surgery to discuss my thoughts and motives behind getting the surgery. I struggled with wanting another baby and knowing I didn’t want to put myself through that again. Ultimately, it came down to a medical decision because I was told I still had placental tissue that had remained from when I had my daughter two years prior. Y’all, that’s not normal. IF placental tissue is left in you after a baby, your body continues to think your still pregnant and treat your body like it is. But, I was also having crazy heavy, long periods. I had to plan my life around when it was going to hit; it was less than ideal. Aside from having a hysterectomy, there was no other way to get rid of the placental tissue and I had the surgery in December. The luxury of not having a period, not having to worry about birth control and never getting pregnant again is wonderful. After the surgery I was a little depressed knowing I’ll never have another baby. But, I also took solace in the fact that if we HAD tried a sixth pregnancy for *live* baby No. #2, more than likely I would have failed at getting pregnant and was 100% likely to miscarry. So. Thankfully, my reproductive years are behind me. And I’m grateful.
So where do I go from here? This blog was originally intended to be about me being overweight and being told repeatedly I have a pretty face and I need to lose weight. It turned into a miscarriage blog and now those days are behind me. It’s been a crazy few months and years. In 2016, a friend of mine and I started a non-profit for families and moms who are experiencing a miscarriage, stillbirth or early infant loss. It’s very similar to the organization that I was volunteering for, except we’re based in a different state. We also offer doula support for families who are pregnant with their rainbow baby and we also offer doula support for families who know their babies are terminal and, when born, will only live a few hours. I’m so proud and excited for us and the families who we will be able to serve. I know most people hate the saying, “everything happens for a reason,” but I truly think it does. My miscarriages are giving me purpose in helping other families go through the same thing. It takes devastation and turmoil in our own lives to help others. I’m grateful for my story; I cherish it. If it allows me to help others, it was worth it.
Every year I struggle with whether or not I should renew and keep the blog going. I think for now, I will, because I don’t want to lose this domain and I like the *idea* of being able to blog when I want. I’m not sure what it will turn into, but I’m excited for the possibilities!