Happy Birthday, Baby

Today, February 13th, I should be giving birth to my third baby. Instead, I sit hear remembering the short while that I was pregnant with this little kiddo. I was only six and a half weeks. Hardly pregnant. Barely pregnant. I hate those terms. You’re either pregnant or you’re not. This day hasn’t been as […]

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That moment.

Ever since the summer of my first miscarriage (Summer of 2003), I’ve become a hypochondriac. You name it, I have it. Any little sign or symptom of ANYTHING and I’m thinking negative thoughts. A headache? Nope. I have brain cancer. Indigestion? Nope. I have a stomach ulcers. I don’t have lower back pain, I have […]

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Here’s looking at you, kid…?

On August 27th I had surgery to remove my uterine septum. My septum was 18mm deep and the goal was to get it less than 10mm. A month later I went back for a post op appointment and my RE confirmed via ultrasound that my septum was still at 12mm. Only 6mm gone… During surgery […]

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It just ain’t fittin’.

One reason I haven’t written a lot here is that I’ve been struggling with how to bring this blog full circle. How do I incorporate weight loss and miscarriage? How do they relate? How can I make sense of all this? This past weekend my husband and I went to Ohio to see his family. […]

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10 Years

Ten years ago today I would have given birth. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about that baby. I have thought all day about what I could say and how I could depict my feelings. But there aren’t words to describe how I feel. There are fleeting thoughts of all the birthday […]

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Letter to Baby

Letter to Baby was written about nine years ago. It was a difficult thing to do; something that was recommended by one of my therapists (there were three over the course of the last ten years). I literally wrote this letter to my first miscarried baby. I don’t know if it really “helped” me or […]

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Friend or Foe

Over the years, I have become an awful friend. I used to be the kind of friend that knew all the birthdays, sent the card and gave the best gifts. I don’t like to brag, but I did give some pretty stellar gifts. In retrospect, it was all an attempt to purchase the friendship, keep […]

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